Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drake has all the answers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
