If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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