Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
