I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
