Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
