is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
