Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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