I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am naked and annoyed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
