He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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