i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
