You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
