My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
