I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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