dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
