He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
