So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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