Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
