Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
