either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
