so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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