I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
