I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
