why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
