If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
