Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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