The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
