Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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