somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
