hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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