i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
