It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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