No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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