Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
