handjob tips. give me some.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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