the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
