Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
These tits shall not be calmed
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