The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
