U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
