I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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