just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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