pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
