is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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