Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
