Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
