Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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