I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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