Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
