She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
