I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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