I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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