obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
