Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
