Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
