what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
