guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
